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A desire to return

3 min read
a desire to return


It’s an odd desire.
Let me explain.

I have no idea what it is that is giving me this feeling of homesickness

what I do know is… I am missing something or someone

a friend? Possibly
a past life? Maybe
a new project? Definitely not…

it’s the kind of thing that I won’t find out until I have it

the value of which is never truly understood

I am trying to get it back

yet the more I think I found it…
the more I push back.

If it is meant to be… that’d never happen.

This is a different feeling than being lost.

Personally, I think this is a better feeling

a healthier feeling.

while I do consider myself still a wanderer…

temporarily I am wandering with a mission

A mission to find an inner home.

Recently I have seen that there is more to the life I live

I was locked onto a path and very much still am.

But through this process of reflection, I see myself slowly breaking out of those chains.

After all… isn’t that what self-discovery is all about.

I hope someday

I come back to this post

Holding whatever or whomever I am looking for…

Close to my heart

This past week was quite an experience. I was part of a medical internship and had the opportunity to go to New York, 
as seen in the above pictures.

The internship as a whole was quite exciting but at times stressful. 

Being in a research lab for the first time was overwhelming. 
I took two important lessons back...

1. I need to learn to silence my inner thoughts.
2. Medicine unfortunately isn't for me. 

In the lab, every day, I felt out of place. It affected my work, interactions, and overall enjoyment. 
Obviously, I was a student in a high-level lab, but as a whole, it is an issue I have dealt with for a while. 
To say the least, there is work to be done.

My second discovery came regarding my future. Medicine, as much as I love it, is not for me. 
I believe I am set on a different path. A path that will mold as I go. 

It may be related to science, but my desire to chase an MD has faded. Am I nervous... yes.


I am stoked to continue reflecting on this website. 

For now, signing off, 
The Wanderer

A song I've been listening to recently 

Author: Eshan

I am Eshan Vishwakarma. A 17-year-old filmmaker, writer, and, photographer. I am interested in learning about myself, and that is what this blog is for. I write about my journeys, struggles, and aspirations. I also, occasionally, write about topics I truly believe in. Through this blog, I feel a little more connected with my true self. If you are interested, check out the blog and leave a comment if you like the stuff I write. Thank you for coming!

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